There are times when you need to fix something quickly – if you notice your car tyre is deflating, then it makes sense to get some air in it before you head off. But quick fixes should lead to problems solved. If you keep doing this, eventually the tyre will blow and you’ll have much bigger problems.
The issue arises when we use fixes as a default without ever actually solving the root cause. Going out and getting drunk after a rubbish week to cheer yourself up is a fix – and there’s nothing wrong with that every now and then – But if you have to do it every week because you don’t like your job, then it’s a problem. Fixes should only be temporary, and should always lead to solutions. The only way to make it work long term is to solve the problem and find a new job.
How many situations in your life are you making little fixes, instead of solving the problems? None of us will have to look too hard to find some.
The next time an issue comes up – ask yourself if you are just applying a quick fix, or whether you can take the time and energy to solve the problem.
From an early age, and throughout our lives we’re conditioned to try and avoid making mistakes at all costs. Mistakes are bad, and there’s no upside. Playing football as a kid, the first thing you’re taught is “if in doubt, kick it out” – meaning it’s better to give up possession rather than risk making a mistake.
This sends out the wrong message and creates problems down the line as children enter their teenage, and then adult lives. It is impossible to live a meaningful life without making plenty of mistakes.
Rather than avoiding them like the plague, mistakes should be viewed as opportunities to learn and grow. The things that are worth doing, are hard to do. The feedback of trying, failing, learning, trying again and succeeding is how you improve. Figure out where you went wrong, and go again.
The only mistakes that should be avoided are the ones you don’t learn from because these are the ones you will keep making over and over again. Fortunately, it’s entirely within your control to avoid them.
There is a phrase I like, and I try to adhere to it often. I’m sure you’ve heard “fake it till you make it”. The reasoning goes that by acting as if you have complete confidence you will appear more confident, and as a result you will be more likely to achieve the desired outcome.
Having to present to a room of 100 people feels much more intimidating than having to present to just 10 people, but the actual difficulty level is the same in both cases. In this situation, by faking confidence – smiling, holding eye contact, solid ‘A’ stance – the chances are it will go much better than if you look at the floor, mumble and generally look like you’d rather be anywhere else in the world. Even if that’s exactly how you feel inside.
Alternatively, sailing a boat along the coast on a nice summers day isn’t overly challenging for a novice sailor, but if you tried to cross an ocean you will quickly run into trouble unless you have vast experience. Acting like you know what you’re doing in that situation would almost certainly have disastrous consequences. Far better to build up your ability gradually before taking such a big step up.
These are two fairly extreme examples, but often in life, we get these types of situations mixed up and deal with them in the wrong way. “Fake it till you make it” won’t work for everything.
Nowhere is this more obvious than in the workplace. You will find plenty of people who are afraid to test themselves and push to the next level, falsely believing that they aren’t ready or good enough to succeed. They find themselves trapped and frustrated.
You will also find people who have all the confidence in the world, and talk a great game, but don’t have the knowledge or experience to deal with tough situations. When push comes to shove they find themselves completely out of their depth.
It’s important to understand the situation in which you find yourself, and know whether you can push through the discomfort and come out the other side, or if you need to take a step back, and gain the skills you need to get to where you need to go.
We all know someone who just seems to have rotten luck right? No matter what they do, they just can’t catch a break and everything goes wrong for them. They’ll be the one to tell you about how unsafe it is to drive a car or fly a plane, and how everything on the internet is horrible and negative.
And we all know another person who is always super positive. Everything just seems to fall into place for them. They constantly seem to meet really interesting people, and their plans are full of nice surprises. They only see the good in each situation.
We all live in the same world – a world that’s equal parts wonderful and terrible. Many of us are having a similar experience, so how is it that two people could see it so differently?
Someone who defaults to negative thoughts, who thinks that only bad things happen to them, that the world is against them, and they never get any luck will be looking out for all the bad stuff – and every time they see it, their viewpoint will be reinforced. The slightest challenge becomes a mountain to overcome, and further proves that life is a cruel game.
But the opposite is also true.
Someone who sees the world in a positive light, assuming that people are friendly and experiences are good will find that too. And every time they get a smile from a stranger, or an outcome is positive, their viewpoint will be reinforced. The slightest challenge becomes an opportunity to grow.
By looking out for something, chances are that is what you’ll find. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you tell yourself you’re going to have a shitty time, you probably will.
Of course, it’s impossible to be positive all the time. Life will throw you some curve balls, and there isn’t a whole lot you can do to avoid some of them. What you can do something about is how you choose to react. By keeping hold of the negativity, and carrying it around with you the chances are that will impact the rest of your experiences. It is rare for an experience to be entirely positive or entirely negative, but by focusing on the good, it’s likely you’ll have a far happier time.
As the saying goes, when you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life. It’s a lovely thought, but I’m not sure I can get on board with it entirely. Many people are not living the life they think they want, the Instagram life that looks like an extended highlight reel of happiness. Never a quiet moment.
If perfection is what you’re after, then I’m sorry to say but you’re in for some disappointment. Perfect doesn’t actually exist (and if it did, it would be quite dull after a while). Life is not all sunshine and rainbows – it can sometimes be difficult, and boring, and painful, and a bit of a grind – but that is the balance of life. You can’t have ups without downs, it’s the bits in between that are where we find our growth. If you think of the best moments of your life, they are usually as a result of overcoming some adversity or pushing yourself past where you thought you could go. Those are the truly rewarding moments in life.
In reality, very few of us will get paid to do the thing we love the most, and fewer still will get paid enough to actually live on. The key is to find rewards in the ordinary aspects of life. Regardless of what your job is, if you can find the challenge in it, and have a degree of control over the decisions you make then you can be fulfilled.
Sports icons and movie stars have some of the most envied jobs in the world, but assuming that playing the sport, or acting is the best part of those jobs, consider how much time they actually get to spend doing that. The dream job for most young guys is that of a professional footballer. They only spend 90 minutes a week (assuming they are even in the team) doing the fun bit of their job. Assuming a normal full-time job is 40 hours a week that translates to less than 4% of their time. The rest is spent either having to do the same drills over and over again on the training ground, or else sitting on coaches and aeroplanes, or spending several nights in some hotel room away from their family. Now don’t get me wrong, they have a very enviable lifestyle – and they get paid an absolute fortune for the privilege – but there is also a lot of boring stuff they have to go through as well.
It can be easy to glance enviously someone else’s life, thinking how fortunate they are, but the chances are you’re only seeing the very best bits. You don’t get to see the other 96% of the time, filled with the same stretches of boredom and grind that we all experience at some stage. Once you realise that, then you can see the wonderful opportunities that are available in all our lives.
I’ll leave you with one of my favourite quotes in the world, which I think perfectly sums things up:
“It’s the silence between the notes that makes the music”
In 2003, a little-known band released their debut album, without much fanfare or expectation. ‘Permission To Land’ was the album, The Darkness was the band. Overnight they became a household name, playing major venues across the world, and though largely seen as a bit of a joke, they were undoubtedly talented musicians who created an album unlike anything else at the time- packed full of great riffs and earworm choruses. Permission To Land is still one of my all-time favourite albums; impossible to listen to without a big grin on my face.
Two years later, the follow-up, ‘One Way Ticket To Hell…And Back’ was released and, well, flopped. A couple of half decent songs weren’t quite enough to make up for the rest of the album, which lacked all of the charm and fun of the original. As quickly as they had burst onto the scene, The Darkness disappeared into obscurity. The wheels had already started coming off by this point, with lead singer Justin Hawkins eventually having a bit of a breakdown.
This situation is far from unique to The Darkness. Known variously across the world as either the ‘sophomore slump’, ‘second album syndrome’ or ‘second-year blues’ this phenomenon refers to when a follow-up album (or film, book, athlete, sports team) fails to hit the heights of the debut effort. A quick google will reveal countless lists of examples, from The Strokes to The Stone Roses. Seemingly the more successful the debut, the harder it is to follow. Lightning doesn’t strike twice as they say.
On one hand, the first effort has been crafted over a lifetime, and without the expectation has been crafted lovingly from a place of truth. The follow up however will only have a year or two, and often less, to try and capitalize on the ‘buzz’. But if the talent is there, then why should the quality drop off so much between efforts? I think the problem comes when the focus is lost. Very few people create with the expectation of becoming rich and famous. They do it because they love it – because it’s what they feel in their heart. Once they start believing the hype, they’re no longer creating what they feel, they’re creating what will be the most successful. They stop trying to make another great piece of work and instead try to make what they think others will want.
Money is a great servant but a terrible master.
The people who avoid second album syndrome are the ones who stay true to themselves, the ones who make what they make for themselves, and no one else. Most of us will not experience creating something which is beloved by millions, but it’s still easy for us to get caught up in our own hype. If you find yourself at a crossroads, remember what got you started in the first place. Do what you do because you love doing it, not for any other reason. Being distracted by things outside of your control like money or what other people might want will nearly always end up in failure.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, this story has a happy ending. The Darkness are still going. After several stints in rehab, lineup changes and infighting, they took a further 7 years to release their third album, and while it was hardly a commercial success it was at least critically appreciated. Now sober, happy and healthy, they have continued to release a new album every couple of years and touring regularly. They remembered why they became musicians in the first place, and once again make the music they want to make.
But there is one sure-fire way to guarantee failure:
You never started.
The first step is always the hardest because you have it all to do, but once you make a start, you have something to build on. The momentum makes each new step that little bit easier.
Of course there will be hard times, and unfortunately, there is no way to guarantee success, but with every step in the right direction, you have the experience of all your previous steps to learn from and improve on.
As the saying goes ‘the things you regret most in life are the risks you didn’t take’. If you don’t try anything then technically you will also never fail, but what kind of life would that be? When all is said and done, you will feel more fulfilled having given it your best shot. So, what’s in the way of you starting something?
Think about something you want to achieve – a personal goal perhaps. What would success look like to you? What are the steps you need to take to make it happen?
It really doesn’t matter how anyone else would see success for you, only what you think. The key to defining success is to set objectives that are within your control to achieve and not dictated by outside factors.
For me, I plan to be a successful writer this year. On the face of it, that might seem like quite a fanciful statement, but when you break it down to the separate parts it becomes a lot more manageable. I write for me, not for anyone else. I want to improve as a writer and use my writing as a way to express myself. I have defined what success looks like for me using these 3 objectives:
1) To write every day, for at least 20 minutes. It doesn’t matter if I’m writing for my blog, writing fiction or journalling, all that matters is that for 20 minutes every day I sit down and write.
2) To post at least once to my blog every week. At the moment, that’s about as much as I can manage, but I would like to up this to twice a week.
3) To see improvement in my writing over time. I will measure this in terms of both the quality of output, as well as how much editing I have to do from the first draft. Hopefully, by the end of the year, I’ll be able to look back on these early posts and see how far I’ve come along.
So that’s it. I’ve not overcomplicated things and kept it as streamlined as possible. There might be some goals where you want to really push yourself by setting really ambitious goals. I want to solidify the habit first, so if I can stick to this in 2019, then I can pick up the pace for the year after. Whatever you want to achieve, this simple framework can help you to make it a reality.
No one particularly enjoys Mondays, but apparently, today is the worst of them all. The 3rd Monday in January is known as ‘Blue Monday’ – the most depressing day of the year. It turns out that this concept was actually researched and created by a travel company a few years ago in an attempt to sell more holidays in January, but still, it is a time when people can feel most down. A mix of the post-Christmas blues, rubbish weather, having to go back to work and what feels like a lifetime waiting for payday all help drive the mood down to rock bottom. But you can at least take comfort in the thought that if today is the worst day, then tomorrow can only be better.
Remember, you are in control. You can choose to notice the things in life which you are thankful for, instead of focussing too much on what you don’t have. Often, that empty feeling can stem from a perceived lack purpose, or a desire to do more with your time. To give back. If you’re feeling a little directionless – you want to do something, but can’t quite figure it out – then ask yourself the following question:
If you were given a vast sum of money, and you had to spend it on improving the world in some way, what would you choose to spend it on?
What’s your first thought after reading that? It might be that one thing jumps out at you straight away. Some people are already very clear on the cause closest to their heart, but it took me a little while to really think what my answer would be.
I’d never really thought of purpose in this way before. I’ve been happy enough obsessively following one interest for a while, before switching over to something else and repeating, but never getting down to that deeper level. I haven’t been one for a grand plan and have instead chosen to focus more on the here and now, following whatever takes my fancy at the time. As I get older, I want to find a larger purpose – something in the world that really drives me to change and be the best version of myself that I can be.
So if, like me, you find yourself thinking about what to do, and which direction to take then maybe you should ask yourself this question. The answer you come to might surprise you, but once you have it you can start taking steps in the right direction. Very few people get to change the world, but we can all make a difference in our own small way, and you never know where the path may lead.
When I’ve studied the habits of the people I look up to, there are a few things that seem come up time and time again. One such thing is a productive morning routine. If you’re anything like me then your current morning routine consists of setting your alarm for as late as you can get away with, snoozing it a couple of times, then rushing through your essentials in some sort of mad dash to get to work on time. As I’m sure you’ll agree this isn’t exactly the stuff of champions.
On those rare occasions where I do get up on time, and fit in some exercise or writing it sets me up for a more content and engaging day. By fitting in some ‘me time’ at the start of the day for things like writing and meditation it means I’m not trying to cram it all in to the evening when I get home from work.
It often feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done that we want to. I don’t have time for a 90 min morning routine!! – but it comes down to making conscious choices about what is most important to you, and then making sure you stick to it. So, it’s not a new years resolution as such, more a tweaking of current habits which should set me up for much more fulfilling days.
Finally, any productive morning routine starts the night before. Making sure you have a good night’s sleep is essential for wellbeing, so going to sleep earlier is part of this new deal. No more falling asleep with the TV on, or checking something on the phone. I’m going to have my book on the bedside only.
So for the last few weeks I’ve been trying to stick to my new routine- slightly different for weekdays and weekends. The first thing I do is 35-50 pushups, not a major work out but enough to get the blood pumping and it wakes me up. I’ve started exploring yoga, and have learned a couple of basic routines. I’ll alternate between that and meditating, as I find they both have a similar effect on me. After that I’ll do some writing, whether that be for the blog, some journaling/ idea logging or some creative writing. Once I’ve done that then I do the essentials – looking after the dog, and getting ready to leave the house looking at least semi presentable. Ideally I’ve left enough time to sit down and have some breakfast, otherwise I take it to work and eat at my desk.
On the whole I’ve managed to keep it up, though there have been a few days (mainly Mondays) when I have really struggled to get out of bed. I’ve never been a morning person (sounds better than bloody lazy!) but I’m determined to force myself to keep it up.